Tip of the Week-- February 26, 2015

First, my deepest apologies for missing last week.  I know I probably left you all in a lurch, and since reading this blog is likely the highlight of the week for all my readers, I'm sure I ruined an otherwise great week for all three of you.  I was traveling to pick up some visitors and then started into a weekend full of meetings.  However, my trip to the airport did provide some inspiration for this week's Tip of the Week, and it is a long one, so it more than makes up for my missed entry.

Just off the cuff, I'd say that cultures organize their social interactions on three elements: rules, relationships, and social status.  This is a non-exhaustive list, I'm sure.  I'm no sociologist, and despite all appearances I don't actually do much research for these Tips. (Hey...you get what you pay for.) (Also, if by chance I've totally plagiarized this observation from some human anthropology textbook that still haunts my subconscious, all my apologies.  Please contact me immediately, and I'll turn over all profits made on this week's writing.)

Cultures seem to arrange these three elements into a hierarchy based on their relative importance to that culture, and then expect that social interactions be governed by the most important element, which is then moderated and tempered by the other two lesser important ones.  If we take America for example, we'd say that in mainstream culture we organize interactions first by rules, which are moderated first by relationships, and then lastly, by social status.

Practically, it looks something like this:  If you approach me at my work place, our interaction will be governed by the rules of the establishment.  If we have no relationship, we are still obligated to act out a script dictated by rules because, well, the rules are the rules.  If we are best friends, we still obey the rules, but I do my best to give you all the advantages and wiggle-room the rules afford.  Make no mistake though, even if we soften the rules for family and friends, we are still allergic to nepotism; that flies right in the face of a society that puts rules first.  In many segments of America society, we are so strongly rule-orientated that we'd like to deny outright that social status has any moderating effect on the rules, but this is simply not true because if it were we wouldn't have the phenomenon of racism or celebrities getting out of jail free.  If you walk into my place of work, dressed extremely well and carrying yourself with an air of importance, I'm probably going to make sure to show you the softest side of the rules, and with a smile, of course.

In West Africa, this order is almost the inverse, with relationships ruling, social status moderating, and rules trailing in distant third.  This is hard for most Americans to imagine, which is why my trip to the airport was so fortuitous.  If any place should be governed by rules, in the American view, it would be an airport.  So what happens when a culture values relationships above all and then decides to open an airport?

I arrived at the airport close to 9pm with just enough time to give a welcome sign to my airport contact.  Since he is an employee, he can slip behind security and meet my visitors early in the confusing maze of passport control, baggage claim, and customs' checks, and because of his network of relationships and his status as an employee, he can grease the interactions of my visitors with a system that might otherwise cause them problems. 

I walked from the parking lot towards the front of the building.  In the wake of recent events--the coup d'état, the rebellion in the north, and Ebola--airport security has become much tighter, and the crowds are no longer allowed to wander wherever they will.  I reached a point where two police officers were preventing everyone from going any closer to the building, unless they had a ticket.  I called my contact to tell him I was there, and he told me to just meet him at the front of the building.  Hanging up, I smiled at the officer and told him that I was meeting my friend, an employee, right over there.  He didn't seem very impressed and told me that I couldn't pass.  How very rule-oriented! 

An American new to this context might just accept this as the rule.  This is an airport after all.  Having been here long enough, I, however, feel just a slight irritation that this guy is trying to enforce a rule that seems like it shouldn't apply to me.  (Cultural adaptation at its finest.)  So we are now playing a game of cards.  He's led with an Ace--impressive--but he doesn't know that I have a Joker up my sleeve.  I call my buddy back, and in a few moments, he comes jogging up to the two officers, calling one by name.  A few short exchanges with the officer later, he waves me to come forward.  I flash the officer a smile and wave as if to say "thanks" and "remember this face, and next time don't slow me down with your silly rules." Relationship: 1, Rules: 0.

My friend walks me up to a bench sitting right outside the exit of customs, which is guarded by two serious looking police officers.  I take a seat as he goes to the exit door, says something to the two officers and then slips inside to find my visitors.  There are only a handful of us seated in this area, the rest of the crowd waiting for the new arrivals being restrained by a barricade some 200 yards away.  Who knows how this group of people have finagled their way through that barricade.  Most likely just like me--they know someone that knows someone.

The two cops are being really insistent that the group of people not amass around the exit doors, and it doesn't appear that anyone from our group is getting through those doors into the baggage claim.  A year ago, when my parents came to visit, I went to pick them up with a friend of mine from the hospital.  We actually managed to talk the cops into letting inside those exit doors.  When I expressed surprise to my friend (all the while patting myself on the back for my negotiating skills), he smiled and told me that the cop used to live in our town and that his kid had been treated at our hospital.  After treatment, my friend even made a house visit to make sure the kid was doing ok.  "He can't refuse me anything now, " said my friend.  (So much for my negotiation skills.)

Even though it is taking a long time, I'm fine sitting on that bench, so I haven't even tried to approach the exit doors.  Periodically one of the officers politely asks the crowd to step back.  I'm almost impressed by the tight control and rule enforcement. 

It has been quite a while now, and I'm just starting to think about how this metal bench would be a perfect torture seat as the slats are just far enough apart to create a weird amount of pinching and pressure, making it necessary to constantly shift your weight.  A man approaches and sits down next to me, a touch out of breath and obviously tired from the effort of his walking.  He is one of the larger men I've ever seen in this culture, and I can't help wondering if his size will mediate the pressure and pinching or just make it worse. 

He immediately starts making small talk.  He is here to pick up a good friend coming from France and is worried about missing him in the crowd.  We talk about all sorts of things, but he always comes back around to his need to find his friend and then starts muttering about whether he could possibly get into the baggage claim.  He doesn't seem inclined to try his luck with the two officers at the door.

Suddenly a different officer walks out of the exit door and quickly walks past us on our right.  His pace makes it obvious that he is in a hurry to get somewhere.  The guy sitting next to me yells out, "Hey little brother" (a term used loosely here) to the officer, who immediately stops and turns around.  Watching his face, you can tell that the officer doesn't immediately recognize the guy, but then comes the light of recognition.  He doesn't know the man well, but somewhere in the past there is a relationship, and in that relationship the guy sitting next to me is older and more important than this officer. 

After a brief exchange, the officer drops whatever task he was headed towards, escorts the guy to those exit doors and walks him right through.  I have no doubt that the man was provided a comfortable seat once inside.  That is the power of relationship and social status over rules here.

Shortly thereafter, my friend walks out with the two visitors.  I walk up to greet them, and they immediately tell me that one of the bags has been held back.  My friend starts going on about how the customs agents have held the bag and wouldn't negotiate with him.  They only wanted to talk with my visitors and would not speak with him.  "That is not good," he says repeatedly, but he isn't necessarily implying that the customs agents are corrupt, but rather that they refused to work on the basis of his and their relationship.  Feeling blocked and vulnerable, he decided it would be better to leave the bag and get the visitors out the door.

So we leave my visitors alone on the sidewalk, and head back to the doors.  In my mind, I'm trying to decide on how to approach the customs officer.  I've read the rules on this subject.  Technically, they can only fine you if you are bringing in vegetable products or things to sell.  Neither is true of this bag, so I entertain the idea of arguing it out, but don't have a print out of the rules with me.  (The American in me is saying something like, "I'm a citizen and I have my rights.")  We arrive at the guarded exit doors.  My friend holds up his ID badge (which, I assure you, does not have the clearance to get me through those doors) and says something so fast that I don't understand, but next thing I know the cops have parted and allowed us in.

We go cross current of the exiting crowd until we reach the agent that has the bag.  I immediately greet in Bambara (the national language).  After greeting, I ask him his last name.  He says "Traore," and I express delight because my adopted last name is "Dembele" and that makes us like brothers.  I crack a joke about how thankful I am that he isn't one of those horrible "Diarras" (Establish relationship.) (And yeah, last name jokes are pretty specific to this context, but they are so handy, I'm not sure how I've lived so long without them.) I say all this in Bambara, even though this guy clearly would understand French.  My French is approximately 1.3 million times better than my Bambara, which means that I'm really only capable of grunting in Bambara, but it is important for establishing relationship and social status.  I go on to explain that I work for an NGO that runs a hospital to help Malian people.  (Establish social status to reinforce fragile relationship.)     

I'm prepared to resort to rules if I have to, but have the sense that this will be a losing battle.  Happily, the guy smiles and says, "You've lived here a while, haven't you?"  My ego is now so inflated that people around me are beginning to suffocate.  In my best false humility, I say, "Yeah, a little bit."  He turns the bag over, and we walk out.  Relationship for the win!

So, should you be magically transported tomorrow to a context where relationship rules, here are a few tips to facilitate your social interactions.

1.  Your first maneuver in every interaction should be about establishing some sort of relationship.  Remember, just about everybody prefers to make relationship with someone who smiles and has a great sense of humor, so those two tools are among your most important.

2. If your new "friend" seems still reticent, you might have to recourse to social status. (Cut him a break, you only just met.) The key here is not to try to prove that you somehow have a higher status than your "friend" (especially true if your "friend" is wearing a uniform of any kind), as this can result in a status war.  Rather, you aim simply to show him/her that you have a status that is worthy of their consideration.

3.  If none of these options work out for you...well...you can consider that, in many cases, relationships seem to be purchasable.  You can hope that your smile at least got you a discount.  (In all seriousness, this should be avoided if possible, but isn't always inappropriate.)

4.  You may have to result to rules.  Just remember that this is in no way a trump card.  You aren't going to be able to say, "Well the rules say 'X' so there!"  It is going to be a debate and it is going to eat up your time.  You'll have to decide if it is worth it to you.

5.  As a complete aside... you might spend some time pondering salvation in light of these three social elements.  What is my relationship with God?  And how does Jesus change that?  What is my status before God?  How does Jesus elevate that?  What are God's rules and what does Jesus do to bring me into alignment with those?  It would appear that we have a problem on all three levels and that salvation is not simply the resolution of one of those problems (most often in the West we see it as a resolution of our "rule" problem), but rather all three.

Prayer Requests

1.   Praise the Lord for a good Prayer Retreat.  We also had several team meetings to work through some things.  We put in a lot of hours, but I believe the Lord met us there.  Pray that we would be able to enact the plans for good team communication and good communication with our Malian partners.

2. Continue to pray for Chaka and Maimouna, the couple I mentioned last week.  Pray for physical healing and their acceptance of the Gospel.

3.  Pray for the upcoming hospital outreach on March 14th.  Pray for the presentations of our nursing staff.  Pray that the changes in organization that we are planning would allow the day to run even more smoothly.  Pray that both the Gospel presentation and the Bible stories would plant seeds and produce fruit.

4.  A couple pastors and I are trying to organize a trip to the village of Tiere, which we visited last year.  Please pray that the details of this trip would come together and that hearts would be open to what we share.

5. Pray for me on Friday as I speak with my friend's fiance.  She is not a Christian and has a very difficult home life.  This is a delicate situation into which I want to speak the love and truth of Christ.  Pray that I would have lots of wisdom.