When you are hot and miserable, one of the best things you
can do for yourself is to whine about it.
Though the reasons for this are poorly understood, it is commonly
accepted wisdom and widely practiced.
I'm sure that science will, one day soon, show that for every time you
whimper, "Its hot", your body temperature drops a half a degree.
The problem is that when you want to convey this fact to
family and friends who live in regions where it actually snows, they are apt to
underestimate what you really mean by "hot". Even citing the temperature and the humidity
index is unlikely to truly convey the point.
I'd like to propose a new way of ranking heat.
Now, I don't want to get too subjective here, even if there
is some subjectivity in the experience of heat.
So first, some base rules. These
descriptions may only be used on days when the temperature exceeds 95F and
remains that hot for at least 4 hours.
Also, if you live in a home with central air, you do not have the right
to use these descriptions. Actually, if
you have easy access to restaurants, libraries, and shopping areas with A/C,
you are not qualified to use these descriptions.
With no further ado, I offer you some new ways to whine
about the heat:
1. It's a Microwave Monday (even if it is Tuesday). Moderate heat with just enough humidity to
make things interesting. These are the
days that you seem to be always one sudden movement away from breaking out into
a full-on sweat. Even when you aren't
sweating, the moment someone pats you on the back, you become suddenly,
uncomfortably aware of your general "humidity". Stay close to a fan, and you just might make
it through unscathed.
2. Unplug the convection oven, I'm done. High, dry heat with
a wind like that of, well, a convection oven.
Hot season usually starts with a convection oven day. Your lips will go immediately chapped, and
you'll drink gallons without ever needing to go pee. The plus side is that it isn't humanly
possible to sweat fast enough to get wet before evaporation does its work. The low humidity makes water your best
friend. Wet yourself down and get in
front of a fan. Pray that the
electricity doesn't cut.
3. Throw this day in the Crock-Pot. High heat and high
humidity. By the end of the day, your
muscles will be falling off your bones, and the night won't be any better. You'll regularly, even while sitting still
under a fan, feel beads of sweat roll down your skin, anywhere that clothing
isn't holding tight. You'll also have
the sensation that you are suffocating.
It's not all that unlike being water-boarded...with lava. Remember, push the fluids and pay whatever it
costs to find some air-conditioning.
4. I'm baked, broiled, and burnt. Ultra high heat with not
even a whiff of breeze. You'll know this
day has arrived when you pick up something metal that has been sitting in the
shade, and you find it almost too hot to hold in your hand. "How is life even possible in such
conditions?" you will ask. And
friend, you are closer to death than you want to think. A moment without water and you could drop to
the sandy floor, only to be found perfectly preserved 1000 years later. Hopefully you are wearing clean, durable
underwear, because they'll likely display you, in your new human jerky state,
in a museum somewhere.
Prayer Requests
1. Praise: An older man in Tiere gave his life to the Lord
this past week. Pray for us as a
delegation heads there on Tuesday to meet the man and to evaluate the
possibility of another outreach in May.
2. A team of our colleagues in the neighboring country and a
group from our team met last night to discuss the possibility of partnering in
an effort to do outreach into a large area that falls between our two
cities. On the other side of the border,
there has been rapid church growth, and we believe that conditions are right on
our side. Please pray that this
partnership both of the mission and the church would go well, and yield much
fruit.
3. In the month of
May, I'm hoping to take some time to pray and reflect on what priorities the
Lord would have me take among the multitude of ministry opportunities before
me. Pray that I would have wisdom to
hear the Lord.
4. Over the next couple months, our team will be pretty
spread out as people take different vacations and speaking engagements. Pray for
those who will be holding down the fort.
Also, I will be taking a vacation for about 10 days starting next week--pray
for a good trip and a good time of refreshment.
5. I've been named as
our Team Leader. This role will carry
with it a lot of administrative responsibility.
Pray that I would have wisdom to function well in this role, and that I
would be able to serve my colleagues well.
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