With online banking, drive-up windows, and debit cards, I
rarely frequent the inside of a bank in America. However, this summer, I actually came across
a bank that didn’t have a drive through window or an ATM, so I actually walked
inside. The tellers were at the back of
a long and somewhat narrow room. In an
office to my left, a loans officer was talking to a customer, and on my right,
a man seated at a desk flashed a quick smile to acknowledge my presence before returning
immediately to his work. The place wasn’t
empty; there were a handful of customers throughout the room, but it was quiet—not
exactly library-quiet, but hushed all the same.
I got in line behind a customer who was talking to the
teller. Within moments the teller’s
smiling face was welcoming me forward. I
told her that I’d like to pull out some cash, offered her my debit card, and
simultaneously remembered that one typically fills out a cash withdraw slip in
these situations. Without missing a
beat, she produced a withdraw slip and quickly began filling in the needed
numbers. A minute later, I was walking out the door, cash in hand.
This is how Americans like to do their banking—quietly,
efficiently, with a person that is as close to a smiling ATM as humanly
possible. Come to think of it, this
might just be the standard by which we judge all our visits to professional
offices. Was it efficient? Did I get
what I wanted? Did I avoid all unnecessary and unpleasant human interaction?
I was in the bank here the other day, and if you’ve been
reading this blog for any length of time, you already know what I’m going to
tell you. None of what I described above applies. Now, let me be clear—I actually enjoy going
to the bank here, but I’ve never finished a bank trip in under an hour (and it’s
5 minutes from my house).
So this week, I’d like to offer you some tips on surviving
your next trip to a professional office, be that the bank, the
telecommunications company, or even an office at a hospital or other private
company. (Please note that utility
companies and government offices are approximately 800 times more bureaucratic,
and so while these tips may apply generally, they are ultimately
ineffective. Those places are designed
to produce suffering, and as of yet, your staff here at Tip of the Week has not
found a way to abate said suffering.)
1. Plan your trip- Do some research on the place you are going, asking friends and colleagues what they know about the schedule. Often there is a golden hour when the crowds will be less numerous. 10:30 on Wednesday mornings is the golden hour for our local bank. There are also dead times, like right after lunch, when official hours say they are working, but in reality you won’t find anyone there.
2. Greet while you wait- In general, professional office spaces are not quiet places. There are no hushed tones here. People actually talk to one another. In the bank the other day, I saw no fewer than 3 people I knew from in town. Our conversations helped pass the time as we waited to get into the office. If you don’t know anyone, you should still greet and attempt some small talk. The advantage of this is that it will likely help with you the line situation.
3. Figure out the line situation, ASAP- Actually understanding in what order people are waiting to get into an office is often one of the harder things about any particular visit. What is certain is that there will be no orderly line that has formed. In some places you take a number, in others the person in the office mentally keeps track of who has arrived (which means he needs to see you—meaning you should greet him briefly, even if he is with someone else), and in still others the crowd itself keeps track. Talking to other wait-ers will make you visible and give you an idea of how to “get in line.” Of course, this might all be avoidable if you’ve got the receptionist on your side.
4. Flirt with the receptionist- I mean, don’t actually flirt, but be excessively gushy in your greetings and affections for this person. If you are uncertain who is the receptionist, or there isn’t one, you’ll want to treat the person at the first desk/station/office you come to in the same way. This person is a gatekeeper, and the more they like you, the easier your visit will be. They can often figure out how to get you past the lines and right where you need to be. If you are making repeated trips to this office, you should know this person’s name, as well as his/her family’s names and situations, and you should have a handful of inside jokes. And you should have their personal phone number.
5. Blur the professional and personal lines- The other day, the hospital accountant and I discovered that our favorite bank receptionist was on vacation. We called her on her personal number while we waited and told her we thought that she was taking a little too much time off. She laughed and laughed as if we’d made her whole day. I know my bank branch manager’s family make up (Catholic up until his dad, who then converted to Islam—thus giving him 2 first names, one Christian and one Muslim), the whereabouts of his siblings (some here, some in France), his views on American politics (he’s surprisingly knowledgeable—Trump’s antics make him laugh, but as much as it pains him to vote for a woman, he’d vote for Hillary), and I’ve been to his house. He has my phone number memorized, and when he hurt his knee this spring, he didn’t hesitate to call me. This personal contact brings me to the front of the line every time, and it ensures that these people will always do their best for me. Being in their office is more like visiting a friend who is mildly distracted by doing some work for you.
6. Beware the multitasking- Speaking of being mildly distracted, let’s talk about multitasking. Despite anecdotal protests to the contrary, research has pretty definitively shown that humans can’t multitask without dramatically lowering our efficiency and quality. No matter, here in West Africa, there never was such a thing as multitasking. We do, however, have its bastard cousin that I like to call, Africa-tasking. This involves trying to work on some task at your desk while you greet multiple people, try to carry on conversations, and answer near nonstop phone calls all at the same time. In its most advanced stages, Africa-tasking involves working for a few moments on one person’s paperwork, leaving it incomplete, and then starting on someone else’s paperwork. This dramatically slows down the finishing time for all your tasks, but it does leave everyone waiting in line with the impression that some progress is being made on their request. To avoid this, refer to tip number 1, but in reality this never ends.
7. Go for the harried one- If you’ve got your choice between agents in any one office, choose the harried one. This seems ridiculous, I know, but it is kind of like my dad’s theory on finding a place to eat in rural America—you look for whatever hole-in-the-wall establishment actually has a line and go there. The thought being--the local population knows what’s good. While that theory still brings back bad childhood memories, I must admit that the concept applies well here. The agent in any office that appears harried is actually the person getting things done. He or she is likely the go-to person because they’ve proved themselves effective. You won’t get out of there fast, but you might actually leave having your need met.
8. Bring a pen- I don’t know whether it is advances in technology or perhaps the fact that America eschewed the French love affair with bureaucracy, but in any case, you’ve never been in an office (in the last 20 years) in which you’ve seen as much handwriting. Everything gets filled out in triplicate. And the stamps… You’d think that old-fashion rubber ink stamps were the old version of retinal scans. Anyway, bring a pen, because you’ll be signing all kinds of forms.
9. Dial down expectations- The more uptight you enter an office—worried about getting out of there quickly, dead-set on getting things handled your way, etc.—the more likely you are to leave frustrated and empty-handed. The sad reality is that there is a high failure rate for your errand list here in West Africa, and no Tip of the Week can fix that. So, we recommend going for the consolation prize…
10. Enjoy the experience- Try to find enjoyment in the chaos, the web of relationships, and the insanity of the bureaucracy. That way, when you find out that you are going to have to “come back next week” to get whatever errand accomplished, you won’t be dreading it.
Prayer Requests
1. Continue to pray for coworkers Steve and Heather as they are home in the States with some health concerns. Pray that the Lord would heal them physically and emotionally.
2. It is a busy time around here as we prepare for new teammates and our visitor season. Pray that our team would have the stamina needed to welcome these folks and continue to accomplish the ministries the Lord has given us.
3. We’ve prayed for a young friend of mine named Amadou before (his father forced him into a marriage, though he doesn’t have a job that would support a family). His wife has stayed out in the village, while Amadou has come here to town to figure out how to move forward with life. He’s staying with me for a bit, until he finds a place to rent. We’ve talked a lot about the Gospel, so pray that the Lord would use this time to make Himself known to Amadou.
4. The season for village ministry is fast approaching. Please be praying for our team as we strategize on how best to work in our target region. Pray for our national colleagues who are indispensable to this ministry. Pray that the Lord would go ahead of us and open hearts and minds.
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